…Where to go?
What to do?
Where will I found my peace, the true happiness under the hot bright Sun?
Will I ever be happy and satisfied with the life I live?
Is there such a thing as happiness and fulfilment after all, or am I just deceiving myself?
Looking back on the days, months, years that have passed me by, I remember all the things I have done, the good and the bad. All of my journeys into the unknown, my failures, my quests for happiness and true meaning of life.
What am I really expecting to find out there in the no mans land?
All of these thoughts, all of these worries, these retrospectives of my past life haunted me in the last two days, just a week after I said goodbye to my last job, while strolling through the dense forest, the small piece of wild nature here in the Godforsaken land of south Bavaria, land of robots and slaves.
And no, this is not a fictional story, this is the real life. Real as the harsh wind that blows thorough these lands, and cold as the winter rain on your pale face.
Must I once again leave everything, and as a wanderer, as a Flying Dutchman sail through these seas of oblivion to the Neverland.
Till my body collapses from hunger, thirst, pain and fatigue?
Will I found my destiny in this world that had said goodbye to everything that ever meant anything, to all the real values of true humanity?
I don’t know anything. Not any more.
And so I continued to walk through this swamp wilderness, surrounded by the sounds of birds singing and the frogs chanting their midnight songs, before they go to their deserved rest.
Only me, the eternal wanderer, can’t sleep.
How could I, with all that restless thoughts that are buzzing through my head like a swarm of restless bees, ready to attack.
If I go on this journey, this big journey, this new walking adventure as I used to call it before, what I expect to find out there?
Will the truth about my life and its meaning reveal to myself?
Will I find anything in the wild nature where I will rest?
Will I find the right people with whom I could really talk about everything, my life path, their life path, my quests for knowledge, meaningfulness of everything, my path to ultimate wisdom and spiritual enlightenment?
Is that really possible?
Is there such a thing like spiritual enlightenment?
What is Spirit after all?
Maybe a light?
Nobody knows for sure.
So how will I know it?
I want to become spiritual teacher, a teacher of the Spirit?
Who will I teach, who will be my first students?
Is there really anybody out there in this wild restless world that wants to learn anything useful?
Maybe I should leave everything to the Higher Force to decide?
It’s what the educated people say.
Don’t bother what will your future be, just learn, be patient and the Truth will be revealed to you.
Of all the crazy things that I have done in my life, all the books I have read, all the experience I had, I don’t know anything any more.
First ten years of my adulthood I spent in doing crazy things (1999. – 2009.; The Story of the Young Wolf – The Retrospective of the Restless Wild Man), then the next ten years trying to find the meaning of my miserable human life (2009. – 2019., The Story of the Young Wolf – Years of Pain and Quest for the Spiritual Enlightenment). Now I wonder what will bring the next ten years into my already restless and mystical life (2019. – 2029. ????)
Is there somewhere really a place for me, place of eternal happiness and satisfaction?
Will I fulfil my destiny, for what I’ve been born?
Or will I die in vain?
What do you think?