(continued from In the Kingdom of the Desert Rose (Part X.)…)
…Alone and desperate, carrying a sack full of food and water supplies that she could find in the old woman’s house before she left, once again she was on her own, walking slowly on the sand ground of this no man’s land. It was not the first time in her turbulent young life that she was alone and helpless, but this time she had much more to worry about, for herself and the baby that she carries in her belly, baby that she never wanted, baby that will become a real beast of burden, conceived in a sin.
She was walking for hours under the hot sun, when she finally arrived on the foothill of the mighty mountain of Sinai, the god of the northern desert.
What will she do now?
Where to hide herself, where to find a shelter?
After a while, she stumbled upon an entrance to the small, but safe cave in the mountain, that was low enough for her to climb down and search for the water in the vicinity, and high enough to keep her protected from the wild animals.
She left her sack there on the floor, sat down and tried to figured out what can she do now. She sat down and slept. When she woke, it was already a night, so she took some wood branches that she found along the way, and started fire to warm herself during the cold desert night.
Days passed by, nights came and gone, and the belly of this young pale girl from the north became bigger and bigger, which led Moshea to doubt was it good enough that she bring this child to this world of lust, pain and darkness. At first she didn’t wanted that child, but as the time for delivery was coming closer, she was slowly changing her mind. She thought to herself, maybe this child will be the only good thing that she will do in her miserable life.
When that day finally came, Moshea was all alone in her pain and agony when she was fighting with her demons and for hours when she was going through a bad delivery. After a while, the delivery was finished, baby was born, a young and healthy baby boy, with the intense maroon eyes and dark scattered hair on his head, with a smile that could soften the heart of the most wicked man.
And Moshea’s stone heart was finally softer, when she realised that after all, she did the best thing that she could do, bringing this small and helpless boy to the world. She will take care of him, so that nobody could hurt him, not like she was hurt so many times before.
Days and weeks have passed, Moshea was still in her small cave, alone and restless. She knew that it’s time for her to leave this place, it’s time to find for herself a descent place to stay, a house or a proper shelter for her and the baby.
So, one day she climbed down the Sinai mountain, and went on a short journey to the nearby river of Nile, to explore the lands and find a shelter, at least for a shorter stay.
And so she did, after a couple of days walking, she found a small, but lovely wooden cabin by the shores of the mighty Nile, cabin that was not used for a long time. Cabin that had all the basic, but important things for her and the baby.
Days have passed, and the baby boy was getting bigger and restless, just like his mother. And Moshea felt for the first time in her life that she don’t know what to do with this restless boy, she was so angry at him when he crawled away from the house, trying to play with the small animals on the shore of the river. She was so afraid for him, like every other mother, that he could get himself hurt or get drown in the river.
Moshea’s physical condition was getting better, as well as for the boy, but her mental health was deteriorating, mainly due to the fact that she was alone for months, without a single living soul to comfort her in her days of greatest pain and suffering.
Being alone and desperate, she wanted something to happen, she wanted that someone come here, she wanted a company of a human being. For the first time in her life, she wanted a company of the real man. She had almost forgot all the pain that she suffered in the previous years. Loneliness was more suffocating then all the pain that she suffered before.
As the weeks passed by, her mental health was even worser, and one day she was very angry at her son and his behaviour. So she wanted to punish him for his disobedience, for the first time in his life she wanted to show him that he can’t do always what he wants. The day has come for a real punishment. But he was still a small child, a baby, just a few months old, and he didn’t knew what punishment was. But she did.
One day, she was so furious at him, so she took a small stick. But this time she was not behaving like his mother, but as a beast that was raped and beat so many times before. When she started to beat him, she lost her mind, imagining that that was not her son, but all those men that raped and molested her in her past. After she finally came to her sense, she stopped to beat the poor boy. But the boy was not moving, he was not breeding. Desperate and in great fear for her sons’s life, she tried everything to bring him back to life. But everything was in vain. The beatings were just to strong for this little baby. Her baby boy was dead.
When the night came, she walked all around the cabin with her dead baby in her arms, trying to figure out what happened, how could she do that, how could she kill her only child, the only thing that she really loved and care about.
After a while, she made a small basket from the swamp bushes, put her dead boy inside it, and let him sail on the river Nile, sail to the another world.
Next few days she tried to sleep, but the desperation was so strong that she walked along the Nile trying to find answers for her crime against that little creature.
One night she imagined that her son was still alive, that he is sitting by the coast, playing in the bushes, and that he is asking his mother why have you done that, why did you killed me, why I was punished for that that you brought me to this world. Mother, please answer me, I need your help, I’m alone and helpless. I can’t find a way through this darkness.
And every time when Moshea wanted to come closer to her dead son, that she thought that he is still alive, he vanished into thin air.
Alone, dazed and confused, she couldn’t take care of her self anymore. She didn’t eat or drink anything for days.
Then, one night, after one more seeing of her dead son, she tried to follow him into the cold river. She stepped into the water, and she walked and walked until she really joined him on the other side.
*** THE END ***